Vecna's Eye

by Tim Morgan

I turned 30 years old a few months ago. The Big 3 - 0. Was I depressed? A little. But I took the time to really look hard at my life and see where I was. Was I happy? Yes. Was I losing my hair and going grey? Yes. Did I have a great paying job? Well, no, but it was at a game store and I loved it, so that made up for it. Had a reached my goals? Mostly. Did I feel old? No, not at all. Sometimes I don't even feel like an "adult."

How was this possible? Here I am, with a 5 year old daughter, a wife, a huge mortgage and responsibilities that keep me from getting all the sleep I need. That sounds awfully "adult" to me, but why don't I feel like an adult? This problem has been bothering me ever since, but now, I think, I finally know why. And the reason is gaming.

I started gaming in the summer of 1981. I was 11. We were moving, and one of the things I had to do was clean out the downstairs closet. There wasn't much in there but the family board games, Monopoly, Sorry, and games like that, plus a few dozen jigsaw puzzles that my mom used to do. But while dragging everything out of there, I found a game I'd never seen before. It was a 9" x 12" box with a bad picture of a dragon on it. I looked inside and there was a bag full of 5 different colored shapes and a book with a blue and white cover, also of a dragon. I started reading this strange book, called Dungeons & Dragons, and completely forgot about the closet. I later asked where the game has come from, and learned that it had been a gift (either Christmas or a birthday, no one was ever really sure) from a grandparent that had been immediately thrown in the closet and forgotten.

I still remember staying up late that night reading that book, so excited that I could barely sit still, desperately trying to understand it. The next day I tried to run an adventure for my dad and my younger sister. The random encounter table still perplexed me. Why did the table go from 2 to 12? My 12 sided die went from 1 to 12. It didn't make sense to me, but I persevered, re-rolling ones. I think I was the only one who had any fun that day, but thankfully I had the kind of parents who would put up with that and encourage me.

The next year, we spent a lot of time traveling, but it took me to larger cities -- cities that actually had game stores. My AD&D collection grew, and I think I read the Dungeon Master's Guide from cover to cover a hundred times. We traveled by car, and sometimes I would DM a game of AD&D for the family. I ran them through the A series of modules (the Slave Lords Campaign). My mom played Blodgett the halfling thief and I played Phanstern the Illusionist as an NPC. I always arranged it so Phanstern never got hurt and wound up with most of the treasure. Oh well, I was 12 years old. And my parents put up with it.

I devoured AD&D and even branched out to other TSR games like Top Secret and Star Frontiers. In 1983 we returned to my home town and I started high school. While we'd been gone, a new game/hobby shop had opened and I was in heaven. I discovered RPGs by other companies, and never looked back at AD&D. The next year, at 14 or 15, I started going up to the local college gaming club, The Fantasy Gamers' Guild. While other kids were going to football games and school dances, I was conquering Europe or discovering the true origin of the Droyne.

After graduating from high school, I enrolled in the local college, moved in with my then Game Master, served a stint as the GuildMaster of the FGG, and cut class as much as I could to continue my gaming career. I decided to major in History, which was largely influenced by my love for fantasy RPGs. Our apartment building became the hub of gaming in town, with 6 of the 16 apartments being rented by members of the gaming club, each of them with 2 bedrooms.

Eventually things calmed down a little. In 1989/90 I moved out of the apartment building, got engaged to another member of our gaming group and moved to Seattle. We quickly got together gaming groups here in Seattle, and with more luck than I would like to admit, I got a job at a gaming store, where I still work. I don't game nearly as much as I once did, but I still play a couple of games a week (usually board games, like Settlers of Catan).

That was a long rant about my history, but what does gaming have to do with feeling young? Everything.

Gaming has kept me young. There is never a day when I can't picture a younger me doing the same thing I'm doing now. Or an older me. Gaming is such a unique activity, because anyone can do it -- young, old, healthy, infirmed, rich, poor, whatever! At 70, I'll game just as well as I did at 20. At 30, I don't have to look back and sigh and wistfully say, "Ahhhh, those were the days."

Gaming has kept me young because gaming has kept itself young. Hundreds of new games come out each year and a lot of them are even good. You can never run out of games to try, or background material to read.

Gaming is something that families can do together. I can't wait until my daughter is old enough to start roleplaying. We've even started talking with her about Toon. I see the day coming when we'll be able to shape her morals and personalities through roleplaying. I can't wait until she's old enough to start playing computer games. Now she sits on my lap and helps out, but I look to the day when she'll be playing against me (and probably winning!).

Now I'm not saying all this to brag about how great my life is. Like anyone else's, it has problems, and I don't think anyone else would like it as much as I do. But what I would like to say is: If you love games -- even if you just like them -- don't give up on them. They're not just for kids, they're for everyone. And if you have given up on them, give one a try. Maybe, just maybe, they'll make you feel younger too.

--Tim Morgan

Addendum. There's something else that this article should say: Thank you, Mom and Dad, for encouraging something you never did really understand and for allowing me to take my life in the direction I took it. I know that in some ways you feel that you failed in raising me, but I don't. The interest that you fostered has become the sun of my solar system, and as long as I never stray from it's nourishing light, I shall always be strong, happy, and healthy.