Simple Rules of Adventure

by Warpmind de InzanE

From the Medieval Realms

1. A dragon that lies still and breathes no smoke is not necessarily dead. It is more likely to be asleep.
2. The light at the end of the cavern isn't the exit, it's the dragon. 
3. When you find an artifact half-buried, in the middle of a half-dozen old, withered skeletons, LEAVE IT THERE!
4. If you see something that looks even remotely dangerous, run.
5. If the warrior in the party sees some fun, run.
6. Never EVER invite a barbarian out for a drink at your favorite tavern. If you invite a barbarian out for a drink at your favorite tavern, be prepared to find a new tavern the following day.
7. When hiding from a balrog, don't sneeze.
8. When going to question the Royal Tax Inspector, leave the thief at the door.
9. When someone starts chanting by some magical symbol, don't interrupt him. If you DO interrpt him, be prepared to face the concequences of a freed demon.
10. Never insult royalty.

From the Realms of the Starfarers

1. If asked to join the Imperial Forces, decline. The rebels will overthrow them soon anyway, and then you'll be out of a job.
2. If you find an egg-shaped, leathery object, don't touch it. If it opens, be ready to shoot whatever's coming out. If what comes out is a spider-like creature that attaches itself to the face of one of your friends, shoot said friend's head off. You're doing him a favor. If you don't shoot said friend's head off, don't come complaining when something bursts out of his chest and starts slaughtering your remaining friends.
3. Never activate the warpdrive when in port. That is bad.
4. When faced with bad news, don't scream "NOOOOOOOO!" and jump into the nearest pit. It doesn't help your image.
5. Don't mess with 900-years-old green midgets with big ears and bad grammar.
6. If your wingman can strangle people via the vidscreen, don't issue him wingman orders. And don't try to make jokes about him, either. And NEVER EVER criticize his flying.
7. Never wear a red shirt.
8. If you see an old friend with a lot of hi-tech cybernetic implants, and he doesn't seem to recognize you at first sight, shoot first and run later.
9. If you run across a robot droid that looks like a trashcan, treat it nicely. It can most likely do anything from make strange beep-boopidy-bleep noises to save your hide repeatedly. Plus, it can repair a disabled warpdrive by merely inserting a screwdriver.
10. If going up against an extremely skilled lightsaber-wielding Sith, there are six words to remember. Long distance. Blaster rifle. Sniper attachments.