Fly-on-the-wall in the Dungeons

a.k.a.

What the minions might be talkin' about when there aren't any adventurers around...

a.k.a.

Grains of Wisdom from the Guild of NPCs

by Warpmind de InzanE

(Assembled in no particular order)

(The quotes, not the collector)

1. "Me cousin was used as a component for a spell once. The trees on his grave scream every full moon now. Downright annoying, that is..."
2. "Heard the ogre by the gate got wasted the other night." "No wonder, with his size. Anyone within a five mile radius could hear that ruckus."
3. "Watch out for the less bright-looking wizards. They're bound to use fireballs."
4. "Okay, who let the damn rust monster into the armory again?"
5. "Hah! Those adventurers are NEVER getting in here. Pass me a snack, someone." (Whisper.) "Whaddaya mean, the pantry's outside?"
6. "Did you hear the boss' laughter today?" "Yup. He sounds pretty crazy." "Yeah. Still needs some more practice, though." "Tell me about it. Those adventurers that visited last week laughed so hard, they couldn't even walk straight." "I know. I was there. Raise you one warrior's sword arm for your wizard's brain."
7. "That band of adventurers that visited last night... they wasted the boss." "So, we'll put in an ad for a new overlord." "And they took out most of the gang, too." "So, we'll put in an ad for new minions, too." "And I hear they wasted the press, too." "Then we have to... uh... no press? Where can we put up ads, then?"
8. "Have you seen those huge, ugly beetles that crawl in the next room?" "Yeah... they're delicious."
9. "Okay, who ordered pizza with extra anchovies, peppers and dwarf?"
10. "Kinda practical with that sewage chute over there." "That's no sewage chute, that's the vent to the boss' winter quarters." "Oh. Anyway, can you recommend me to my next employer?"